Life is Good

I feel so happy today! The babies were born and will be six weeks old tomorrow. Their birth story to come....but today I just want to rejoice, yes rejoice, in what a wonderful life I have. The babies are so good. They occasionally get fussy (usually around 8 pm), but overall they wake up crying to eat, I feed them, change them, and lay them back down to sleep. Then they sleep until they are hungry again. At first I felt kind of bad that they were just lying in their rock'n plays or their crib sleeping most the time, but then I figured that newborns don't really need to be entertained. Even if you wanted to, they would probably just fall asleep or cry because you were disturbing them. Now that they are getting older they are staying awake a little bit longer than usual and that's why I've noticed an increase in fussiness, but they are also really good about just lying there quietly looking around. I am actually able to get a lot done during the day. I shower everyday (unless I'm too lazy), I've been able to keep the house clean....I haven't cooked meals for us, but I changed that today! I went grocery shopping (I dropped the girls off at grandma and grandpa Pew's house) and made Cashew Chicken for dinner. It was delish if I do say so myself!!! I even ran on the treadmill today. I was a little apprehensive about starting to work out again (because it's HARD) but I was looking forward to it at that same time. If you can imagine I have quite the saggy belly after the girls stretched it out. I look like I have a flat tire just hanging off my lower torso. I found it quite comical the first couple weeks after the girls were born because there was nothing I could do about it and I figured it wouldn't be like that forever (because I don't WANT it to be like that forever) and I might as well laugh about it. But now that the weeks are progressing and I'm wearing normal clothes again, it just looks funny. A week or so ago I weighed myself and was only 5 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight! Yay me! But according to my doctor's scale I was about 10 lbs away. Waaah Waaaahhhhh :( But I don't know what to believe because I haven't weighed myself on my home scale since that day. No sense in doing that when I haven't been exercising or watching what I eat!

Anyway, today was just a really good day. I just love taking care of the girls. I love feeding them their bottles, dressing them, changing their diapers, soothing them....*sigh* it's bliss. And I loooooove not working!!!! HELLO!!! Can I do motherhood and wifely duties full time please?! Someday! Maybe...who knows. I love cleaning my house and making dinner. I love chatting with my neighbor girl friends. I love my house and our neighborhood and Utah and the world and EVERYTHING!!!!! I'm just going to enjoy this while I can because I know the girls won't always be so good. But I will still love them and love taking care of them.

Until next time!!!!

I Can't Believe I'm going to be A Mom

I know this sounds strange, but every time I wake up it's like remembering I'm pregnant all over again. I've really been enjoying being pregnant the last few days. Well, as much as I can enjoy it. Some people love it. I have never loved it and probably never will. Is it cool to feel them kicking in there? Of course! But most times it's uncomfortable. And it's just going to get worse cause right now they're just tiny still! (By "tiny" I mean that at my last ultrasound they weighed less than 1.5 lbs each.) Also, it's nice to have an excuse to have a big belly and chubby thighs. And arms. And face. But it's okay! Because I'm pregnant and I'm not going to do anything that wouldn't be good for them just because I'm worried about my body image. I'll lose weight again after they're born. I've done it before. Anyway, this is completely not why I'm writing today.....

I was lying in bed this morning thinking about my babies. It just boggles my mind that I have a human growing inside me. Two humans!! They are kicking and moving a ton lately so it's getting more difficult to forget they are there, but sometimes I still feel like it's just a massive gas bubble moving through my bowels or something.

I kind of feel bad that my brain is not totally comprehending what is going on. I mean, this is going to end soon and what if I don't remember it like I should? I feel like a dummy. Oh, I will remember the vomiting (hard to forget that), and the growing pains, and how difficult it is to get in and out of a car. And walk (sometimes). But these are things I reflect back on and recognize that they happened/are happening, but I don't cringe at the memory. I think I just feel like one should feel differently when they are pregnant. It's not easy and there are many discomforts, but is that what it's supposed to "feel" like? I think not, cause, like I said, I'm already feeling that. Am I supposed to feel like there are always two people with me? Like I'm never alone? What am I missing?

I must admit. I'm not a great pregnant mom. I don't really talk to them much, or sing to them, or put headphones on my belly and play Beethoven. OH, but I have played "Wild Ones" by Flo Rida a couple times. That's something. They didn't really respond though. Nick played some rock music for them one time too, and I don't think they liked that much either.  Sometimes I talk to them. I had to have a heart to heart with them one time....more on that later. ;) Nick talks to them sometimes. Probably more than me, even though they are with me ALL THE TIME. I don't know what to say to them I guess. Is it strange to feel like you're shy around your babies?

I have always been a planner, but I have to say, having twins has completely thrown me for a loop! All the plans I have don't seem to make sense. I just can't comprehend what it's going to be like to have two of them to take care of at the same time. I plan on putting them on the same sleep, eat, play cycle, but will they cooperate? I don't know who these little people are! I think that's another thing I'm afraid of: even though they've been in my belly for 30-something weeks they will seem like strangers to me when I see them in person. You hear people all the time say that they instantly fall in love with their babies the second they see them, and I don't doubt that I will, but...does my heart really have the capacity to all the sudden love two babies like I'm supposed to love them? Will I love them because they are my children and I feel bonded to them, or just because they are babies? I love babies. I always have, but not like my own children.

I'm also worried about my ability to raise them to be better than me. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that I don't want them to make, but I don't know how to prevent that. I can always of course warn them, duh, but I got the same warnings. Sometimes, I believe, people just have to experience it for themselves and learn that hard way. But I don't want them to. I want them to listen to me!

I used to think I'd be a great mom. It seems I've forgotten a lot of the things I planned to do to make me a "great mom." I should start a list. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Then I'll write it in this here "journal" and my kids can read it and laugh and be like "Mom, you never did any of this!" JK! I'll probably do something from that list. Right?

Although it appears I have many doubts and much confusion, I do have some really great moments. Moments when I can imagine holding them. Imagine them crying and it breaking my heart. Imagine me losing my temper and already feeling guilty and regretful about it. I guess that doesn't sound like a great moment...what I mean is I feel like Heavenly Father is preparing me for what it will feel like to love these little babies. And to feel like they are mine. I wish I felt closer to heaven because I'm pregnant. Hopefully that will come when they are born. But I think a large part of me will be focused on what a stinky situation labor is. THAT is something I am freaking out about a little, but only a little because honestly I don't let myself dwell on it that much. So, in the mean time, I will be praying that heaven is near when these dear little children come and that I can be the kind of mom Heavenly Father trusts me to be. After all, He did trust Nick and I to be able to handle two babies at once and that is pretty special. :)

"Well, let's see if there's two in there....hahahaha....oh wait, there is"

Our 8 week appointment arrived and we were excited to see our baby. Nick was really looking forward to hearing a heart beat and I just wanted to see a baby in there that was moving and growing because it still didn't seem real to me. I will say this, I had read on the internet that "morning sickness" can occur around 6 weeks. Which it did. It was nothing severe...YET. Just uncomfortable. I remember I called my OB office to get a prescription for zofran. I love Zofran. I should name one of these babies zofran. So I felt sick, but not pregnant. It's complicated.

The doctor that day talked to us for a few minutes-encouraged us to find a good resource on the internet that we could refer to for general questions, asked about my symptoms, I asked some questions I had written down, and then he said "Well, go ahead and lay on back and we'll see if there's two in there! You'd be surprised how many first time parents want twins because they have no idea what they're getting into." We laughed and I told him I wouldn't mind having twins, but I was mostly just hoping to find a growing baby in there cause I had miscarried in October. He was moving the ultrasound probe all around and up and down and he said "huh." Although that's not really something you expect your doctor to say when he is doing an ultrasound, I didn't feel a sense of panic or anything. There was just still that slight worry that maybe there wasn't anything in there. So I'm trying to figure out what is on the screen (which is impossible) and he says "Well do you want the bad news or the good news first?" Again, I didn't feel panicked I just told him I'd hear both anyway so just come out with it and he said "There's two in there" and this is what he showed us:

Well, I didn't see that coming. Yet I wasn't completely surprised either. I've always felt I would have twins someday. Nick and I had played a mean joke on his family the April Fool's before where we brought two baby blessing outfits to pretend we were announcing we were pregnant with twins. It was mean, and they all said we jinxed ourselves, which I was fine with. :) It also took away a little of the excitement that we were actually having twins because they didn't know whether to believe us or not! So after we processed for a few minutes Nick asked what the other news was (we weren't sure whether the doctor considered this good or bad news) and he said "it was both." After he had told us there were "two in there" he was talking about blah, blah, blah...I wasn't really paying super close attention because I was just trying to grasp the idea that not only am I really pregnant, but there are two in there!! Anyway, I had caught him saying something about their "membranes" not being separate, so to me twins is good news and I was afraid the bad news was that they were conjoined and I was going to have freak babies and how was I going to love them, and how was that going to change our life? (I know that sounds awful of me, but come on, that would be a hard life!) And wasn't it a little too early for them to stay conjoined? They were only 8 weeks old! But the doctor reassured me there were two separate bodies in there and that most likely they were identical. Which dashed by hopes for boy/girl twins a little bit, but I still held on to some hope.

We were so excited and all our family knew that we were having our ultrasound that day so we went around showing everybody the picture and seeing if they could tell they were twins by just looking at it.

Here are some fun facts related to this pregnancy:

• Right around the same time I got my positive pregnancy test, my brother Rick and SIL Jennifer announced that they were expecting-and she was about 4 weeks. It was a little sad not to announce first, but I wanted to wait until around 12 weeks to tell my family and that was around Christmas time when we could all be together at once.
• I feel like I made this happen with my mind power. On many days I would happen to look at the clock at 12:34 or 1-2-3-4 so I would make a wish. At first my wish was that I would have a baby or be pregnant within a year. After my miscarriage it became that I would have bab(ies). Then the sweet whisperings of the spirit warned "Be careful what you wish for" in a very lighthearted way and I quickly changed my wish to "or whatever you think is best." Then, before my positive pregnancy test, when I had a feeling I might be pregnant I thought about that little egg and with my mind power I willed it to divide. Now I'm having identical twins! I should have been more specific on wanting a boy and a girl I guess.....
• We told Nick's family by writing "we're pregnant" in icing on a cake. We did it ourselves and it was the UGLIEST thing ever. I am literally laughing out loud right now at the memory. I wish we had a picture. The words just melted all together and it was so hard to tell what it said. We asked his mom to cut it because of course we wanted her to "know first" out of the family. She was busy though so we was just going to cut right into it without reading it so we asked her what it said. Of course she couldn't tell so Nick's brother Cam read it and figured it out and all the family heard the commotion from the other room. It was funny.
• We told my family with a picture. My mom had asked for a couple picture from each of us to display in her home. We bought a double frame and put a picture of me and Nick in one spot and a picture of the positive pregnancy test in the other. It was hard not to want to give my present first, but I was patient. Rick and Jennifer gave their gifts and announced, again, that they were expecting. It was kind of awkwardly funny because the only ones in the room that didn't know yet was my sister Erica and her husband Joseph so we were all fairly quiet considering the news they just announced and more watching Erica and Joseph for their reactions. It was funny to watch because they started clapping and cheering, yet, they were confused by everyone else's reaction so they were like "what's going on? Are we not excited?" We all just laughed because of course we were excited, but we already knew! Anyway...So when it became our turn to hand out our gifts I purposefully waited and gave my mom her present last so more people would be aware of what was going on. She started crying and jumping around and it took everybody by surprise! Next was by brother Blake and his wife Stephanie so we all looked at them expectantly wondering if they were going to announce that they were pregnant too. But they had no announcement that day.
• Four weeks later Blake and Stephanie did announce they were pregnant! They thought they were at Christmas, but didn't have a positive test yet. So come to find out all of us are due within 1-2 weeks of each other!
• As soon as I found out I was having twins I immediately emailed to join a group called Utah Valley Moms of Multiples (UVMoMs). They are so funny and such a great resource!!!

To copy one of those MoM's blog posts with her pregnancy stats, here are some of mine so far:

• # of pounds I've gained: 27ish. Not bad considering I'm 25 weeks along. But these babies have 2 months to gain four more pounds each so I know I'll gain a ton here pretty quick. Hopefully it will all be their weight and not mine ;)
• How far along I was when I finally felt movement: 23 weeks (I think). My placenta was toward the front which hindered the feeling of them moving inside me. Now they kick fairly regularly and, thankfully for now, it's not too hard, but it does make me feel like I've got some serious stomach issues going on. Speaking of stomach issues...
• Number of times I've thrown up: too many. I seriously never even thought of counting, but if I did it would be ridiculous. There were days I would just lay in bed and throw up every 30-45 min for a couple hours. Awful. Last time I threw up: 4 days ago. Ya, it's not going away. I know I'll be doing this the whole time, but at least it's not as frequently as before.
• Number of times I've gotten heart burn: daily since about 18 weeks. You do the math ;)
• Number of times I've changed my clothes because I smell like pee: too many to mention. Even now I have poor bladder control and it just comes out with the retching. So fun.
• Cravings: none really. Since I was so sick I just ate what sounded appetizing and wouldn't taste gross coming up again if I did throw it up. I've eaten lots of toast and cereal. Toast is my food BFF. Milk was a go-to food as well for a little while until it started feeling like it was curdling in my stomach. Soy milk is better for me now. 

Well, in case you didn't notice I haven't mentioned what the babies' gender is yet. No, we are not those crazies who wait until they're born to find out. I am way too much of a planner to do that. So until next time, I'll just have to keep you guessing!

See those little babies in there! 12 week Ultasound

I Better Write this Down or I'll Really Be Behind...

Well, I fell out of the saddle again. I never really liked horse back riding anyway...I actually had a dream about horses last night. And the Louvre (in Paris)...strange.

So I have stopped losing weight and actually gained weight. **sigh** I guess that's what happens since

I'M PREGNANT!!! :)

I'll tell you a little story...

 Back in October (of 2012) I was about four days late. We were just doing our thang, deciding to take life as it came. (Well, actually I was using an Ovulation tracker app on my Kindle, more for fun and curiosity than trying to get pregnant.) So Nick suggested that I take a pregnancy test. The results were definitely not a NO, but it was so faint I couldn't trust it was a YES either. So I took four tests, all with the same faint line. It is such a strange feeling to get a "positive" on a pregnancy test. I had imagined that I would be pregnant someday, imagined getting a positive, imagined what it would feel like to be pregnant, etc, etc. However, when I actually saw the line it was such a strange feeling. I was like "really? Is this really happening because I don't feel pregnant." And you can't go tell everybody because it's only been a few days (well, kind of). And the line is faint! Well, I made an OB appointment and called a regular family practice doctor here in Saratoga. The OB office doesn't see pregnant women until they are 8 weeks, which I knew, but I scheduled an appointment with a regular doctor to get a blood test to confirm what the home pregnancy tests were claiming. Warning: He was an idiot.

Sadly, about two hours before my doctor's appointment I had started bleeding. :( I had taken my tests on a wednesday and my appointment was on a friday. You can imagine I was a little bit emotional. I clearly stated on my history form that I was there for "possible pregnancy" yet he chose to overlook that until about 20 minutes into the appointment. I had been crying earlier to the MA who had taken my vital signs cause she asked why I was being seen that day AND entered it into the computer so you would think this stupid guy would have a clue. So finally we get to the part about me being pregnant and starting to bleed and the idiot WASN'T EVEN GOING TO DO ANY TESTS!!! He was all like "well, you may be miscarrying, you may not. Just call us in a few days when the bleeding stops." Ooooh, it makes my blood boil now just thinking about it. So basically I insisted, stating that four different pregnancy tests were hard to ignore. He says to me "OHHHH! You said you took four different pregnancy tests! I thought you said you took a pregnancy test and saw four lines and I thought 'I don't know what you're talking about." FOR THE LOVE....!!!! Then ask you *choice/unkind name*!!!! Needless to say, I will not be back there.

So I go get my blood drawn to check my Hcg level. I continued to bleed through the weekend so I call my OB office on monday and tell the receptionist that I needed to cancel my appointment because I think I had miscarried, but I still wanted to schedule an appointment with an Nurse Practitioner or Physician's Assistant or something because, let's face it, I had some questions. She said she didn't feel comfortable doing that and asked if she could have a nurse call me. Well, of course! Thanks for caring!! The nurse called and said the doctor wanted me to go in THAT DAY and have an ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. Hallelujah, someone who knows what they're doing!!!

Short story shorter, I repeated a blood test, my ultrasound was normal/no baby or sign of a problem so they confirmed that I did indeed have a miscarriage. My OB doctors were INCREDIBLE!!!! They were so sweet and they took the time to make sure that I understood that this was not my fault, it was nothing that I did or didn't do, etc. Dr Lamoreaux, who was on call that night, had been busy delivering babies all day, but still looked at my test results and called me at 10:00 or so that night with the results and took at least 15 minutes again explaining that it wasn't my fault, my chances or miscarrying in the future, that I didn't have to wait to keep trying etc.  Such a tender mercy and gave me the peace and closure I needed to return to work the next day (I had a four day weekend while all of this was going on so it was nice to get in addressed and taken care of before I had to get back to work). I was still sad at times and would cry. I do remember over the weekend feeling a sweet little spirit around the home.

Well, come November (the very next month) Nick asks me when I'm supposed to start my period. I told him I was supposed to start that very day, but hadn't. He again suggested I take a test. I had bought tons so I took one out and did my thang. I usually try not to look at it too soon, but I had it in front of me while I was doing something at the sink and I said "Oh my gosh, honey you gotta come look at this." There it was....BAM!!!  The brightest pink line SECONDS after absorbing the urine (sorry, gross I know). I don't even think the control line had showed up yet. So there we were, staring pregnancy and a change in our life as we knew it in the face. I was still hurting a little from the last time so I didn't know what to feel. Well, little did we know at the time that there was not one baby, but TWO BABIES in there! That's right, I'm having TWINS!!! Maybe that was why the line showed up so quickly. More on that story later :)

11 weeks (I think)

Back in the Saddle

Well, I'm back! Back in the saddle. And that actually means a couple of things. You see, a lot's happened since my last entry. Like: 

• My dad died
• I met a man
• We built a house
• I got married (My sweet hubs pictured above. We were in Alaska! Woot!)
• We moved into that house
• I got a new job
• I gained a TON of weight
• I'm on another weight loss journey

And basically in that order ;)

I enjoyed writing a blog in the past and I definitely enjoy reading blogs so it's been on my mind lately that I need to update mine. However, Blogging is HUGE now, like people's-business-huge, and I don't know if anybody reads mine anyway. (If anybody did they'd be real disappointed since no one's been home for 2 years....or is it four? It's been so long since I've posted I can't even remember!!!) LOL! In fact I saw that my blog had something like 500-ish views and they are most likely all from me! I didn't know I checked my blog so often! ;)

Anyway....I have so many thoughts that I want to organize. And sometimes a person just wants to feel like they're throwing their ideas out into the big ol' world and being heard, even if they're not. That's me right now. Plus this is a lot cuter than writing in an online journal. I think anyway. We'll see. But I'm definitely not handwriting a journal. {shudder} I'd quit that real fast.

Needless to say, I've had some pretty major life events since I wrote last. My plan is to write about these things, because, hello!, they are important. And this is my journal. Like I said at the top. You can read it if you want :)

Oooooo!

So to begin with, I'd like to discuss my fattness. That's the other meaning of being back in the saddle (the other was that I'm blogging again, if you didn't catch that before). 

:)

I really, seriously, cross-my-heart-hope-to-die, thought that when my sweet husband Nick and I got married that I would cook amazingly nutritious meals (that didn't even TASTE healthy!!!), and we would work out together and people would say "Wow, they look better than when they were dating! Marriage has been good to them!"

Well I am here to tell ya'll that MARRIAGE HAS NOT BEEN GOOD TO ME!!! 

***(In the weight department only)***

I reached my heaviest weight ever: 194 lbs!!!

Before this, my heaviest weight ever was 180-something. I kicked myself in the butt and put in some tough work at the gym and watched my calories. I lost about 20 lbs in six months. That's not super fast, but I saw lots of improvements in my body and my physical abilities that it kept me going. I need to remember that. I need to remember that I've done this before and I can do it again. Another thing I want to put in my mind is:

I love this little thing! I printed it out and I'm going to put it on my fridge.

(Finally, I've had it "pinned" for this very purpose for several months.)

I can do hard things! I've done them before and I'll do them again! My sweetie is so supportive and helps me feel good about myself now, and about the things I'm doing to become healthier. I want to get fit before I get pregnant. (Isn't that kind of silly? I want to lose a bunch of weight before I get "fat" with a baby. Lol! It's okay, it's a different kind of "fat.")

This is what doing hard things looks like:

Jillian Michaels is apparently going to "shred" me in 30 days! Do not be misled. I am very sweaty in this picture. And my whole body was quivering. JM is a butt whooper fo' sho'!!!

****Confession:*****

 I did not actually want to work out tonight, but I did it anyway. This was the fourth or fifth time I had done this particular workout and I was dreading it a little bit (as I do for most workouts :( wa-waaah), but I always feel SOOOO good afterwards. Not only physically, but mentally was well because I was a tough lady and I did a hard thing! And then it makes me look forward to doing it again! (sort of)

Healthier me: HERE I COME!! 

I MADE IT!!!!

So my goal, my one and only summer goal, was to hike to the top of Timp. Utah Valley is so near and dear to my heart and what better way to see and appreciate it than to look down at it from the towering face of Mount Timpanogos. It didn't seem like it would be that difficult to accomplish, arrangement wise, because both my ward and work were planning to hike it. Great! Well, then I got sick and the weather decided to misbehave so both those options got axed. Fine, I'll hike it myself, I said. Little did I know what a journey it would be....

First off, I didn't know where to go to even start on the trail that leads to the top. I heard there was a trail head up Sundance Canyon and the other was Timpanooke up American Fork Canyon. P.S I did not hike it "myself." I brought my sister along. She's a good sport. You'll find out why later. Our first attempt took us up Provo Canyon. We didn't start hiking until 1:30 pm or so. Many encouraging people told us we would not make it there before dark. But I am a stubborn red-head so I didn't listen. It didn't matter because, due to the economic crisis, America cannot afford enough signs to direct novice hikers as to what trail leads to what destination. Therefore, we wasted 2 hours of precious daylight hiking to Stewart Falls. Yeah, it's pretty, blah, blah, blah. IT AIN'T THE TOP OF TIMP people and I've got goals to accomplish!!!

No, but seriously, why would a logical person think "oh, I must park in this parking lot then walk back to the ROAD to get on the correct trail?" And why can't there be a FREAKING SIGN in the parking lot to tell you that?! Hence the "mad face" pictured to the left. Which wasn't actually mad because I was laughing at the same time. At my sister, not the situation. That was not a laughing matter. Anyway, it really was a nice hike, just disappointing. And it gave little sis a taste of what was to come. Sort of. She still didn't know.

When we got back we ate at Zupas. I had heard about Zupas, but I thought it was a bunch of hype. It's just a soup, salad, or sandwhich people. Come on! Especially soup! Is that even a meal? But they were right! It was amazing. Of course food always does taste better after coming out of the wilderness. But I'll definately go there again. Dinky sandwiches, BTW...

ANYWAY...

The next week we tried again. This time we took the Timpanooke trail. However, once again, I didn't have a clue where we were going. But how hard could it be? They've got to have SIGNS right? Again, I was sadly disappointed. COME ON rangers!!! Not everyone hikes Timp everyday! A few signs would help a sista out! And your map sucks. Can't you add "Timpanooke trail head" to your "Timpanooke campground" sign?!

After driving around for half an hour we finally went back and found someone to ask. Then the fun began. Well, kind of. We (by "we" I mean "I") began merrily hiking along, chattering away about how lucky we were to be hiking in the shade, and how beautiful the surroundings were, and how lucky we were to have healthy bodies and clean air in our lungs. My sister trudged along in silent agreement. Soon we headed up a trail with rocks placed across it. Hm, strange. OH, maybe that was a sign I was headed up the wrong way!Hence the sad face since I had to crawl hands and feet up a sheer shale rock mountainside. Good thing I left little sis behind! Going back down that thing was not fun. It was downright dangerous! My sister got a butt shot of me coming down, but I chose not to post that one. ;)

Most of the trail was quite fantastic. I was impressed by my endurance and realized I am in as good a shape as I thought! I seriously had no idea how long that trail was and I kept encouraging my sister that the sign had to be "just around the corner." (We were informed there was an actual sign that would direct us to the trail that lead to the summit. FINALLY!!!) I am so proud of my sister. She was such a little trooper! I knew she wasn't in the best of moods from having to hike all that way so I would just stay ahead hoping to come upon the sign and alert her we were "almost there!" Yeah, "almost there" my butt! When we finally got to the sign and could see the saddle I was excited! She was like "we have to go all the way up there?!" Little did I know how right she was. At this point I was singing pioneer songs to keep myself going. "And should we die, before our journey's through" felt mighty appropriate at that time! So much for thinking we'd make it there and back in 8 hours. There was a rock in the middle of the trail just before you start the steep parts. That's where my sister gave out. Almost. She was just going to stay there and nap. "You can't!" I told her. "You're so close! You'll regret it if you don't make it when you've come this far!" I tried to encourage her. "It's not MY GOAL to make it to the top! This is far enough!" Well, I couldn't argue with her on that, but I couldn't leave her there to get eaten by mountain goats either. Although she thought that'd be quite the "way to go."

We rested and ate some of the wonderful snacks I packed. They must have held magical powers cause when we were done I asked if she was sure she wasn't coming and she said she would. Hooray! So off we went. Well, the day just took a real down hill direction (mentally. certainly
not physically) for me at that point. We had been hiking for HOURS, it was getting more hot, though there was a lovely cool breeze blowing, and my sister was losing steam. The pioneer songs were just not cuttin' it. In fact, I swung over to the opposite spectrum and felt provoked to curse under by breath. That helped a little. This is my "are you freaking kidding me face" that I had on the way to the saddle.

We did eventually make it to the saddle. Hence, the joyous picture at the beginning. When my sister finally arrived we called our dad so he could be proud of us and I texted some of my friends. But I didn't have much time to waste because I had to make it to the shed at the very top. It was so close right? Wrong.

I left my pack behind and just took my camera to prove that I had been to the top. I was making good time. Until I realized I had taken the wrong trail. What is with taking the wrong freakin' trails on this journey?! So I turned back. There were three elderly people that we would continually meet up with off and on throughout the treck that I met up with again and they found the steep, crazy, switchback trail up the mountain. I don't mean to sound like a party pooper, but as I climbed and climbed and climbed some more I had repeated thoughts of "what is [H-E-double hockey sticks] am I doing up here? Just go back. It's not even worth it." Stupid goals. Because of them I couldn't stop. I was so close! Yet so far away.

I did eventually make it to the top. I signed the register "first, and probably last, time." I snapped a few pics, but by that time I was ticked off enough that I didn't even care to look around. Here is my "was this seriously worth it?" face. Note the swollen lips. They went nicely with the sausages I once called fingers.

I would post more pictures, but blogger is being difficult so be sure to check out my facebook. I realize there are not many "happy" faces. Don't be mistaken. Of course I am glad I made it, and am only one quarter joking about how horrid the last two miles were. Of course I enjoyed the journey! It is a major accomplishment! Oh, and coming down was certainly faster and my sister and I got to talk all the way down. I was the driving force to the top and she was the driving force to the bottom :) So thank you Erica, thank you body, and thank you to all you crazy kooks out there who drove me to desire to hike it in the first place. It truly was an Extraordinary day in the life of Carrie.

Playing A Little Catch-up

Hello Blogger world (aka people at work and my sister)! I know it's been a while. The truth is...not much happens in my life that is noteworthy. I know. Lame. But there have been a couple TOTALLY EPIC moments in the last couple of months that we'll review. Hang onto your hats peeps!

In July, we held the annual celebration of my birth. I went to good ol' Roosevelt to see my family and have my totally bodacious party. I love having traditional birthday parties with party hats and bright colors and birthday cakes with toys on them and such. Actually, I hate my birthday, but these things make it a little better. This year we didn't have a toy cake. We had a "death by chocolate" cake, which is an acceptable substitute. And we did not have cone-like party hats, we wore old fashioned hats. Which is also acceptable and what you can expect at my bridal shower (NO, I'm not getting married yet! Don't rub it in. I'm a planner remember?) Anywho, we also had a flower fight, played "Ninja," "the screaming game," dodgeball, and...I don't remember what else. I don't think I have pictures of us after the flour fight, but you can see it in the ninja pictures. Good times.

Twenty-six year old Carrie. That's right, I said 26! Not too much different than twenty five really.

Niiiiiiin-JA!!!! That's how you say it. In the game, I mean.

I had a video of this, but I didn't put it on because it wasn't very good. I'm still photo/cinematograpy handicapped. I'm working on it.

In August, I participated in a singer/songwriter workshop sponsored by Jenny Phillips and Tyler Castleton. If you don't know who they are then you don't listen to church music enough :) Hillary Weeks and Mindy Gledhill were also there. If you don't know who they are then...all I can say is I'm sad for you. I'll explain the workshop in one word: AWESOME. But if you let me choose other words I would choose informative, encouraging, fun, scary, overwhelming, and exciting. Tyler Castleton is an incredible songwriter and arranger. He does a lot of the EFY music. He just might be my LDS idol. (Hey, that's a good idea for a contest in Utah...probably already is....) I enjoy so much of (note I did not say ALL of) Hillary and Mindy's music. They write and sing their own stuff, which is what I'm trying to do. PLUS, be mom's at the same time!!! (I am not trying to do that, at this time.) Anyway, it was a very good investment. I learned a lot about the LDS music industry and I was inspired to get writing, writing, writing! I met some nice girls. One of whom I later recognized on a website as a swim-suit model. Interesting. And certainly not one of my options as a back-up career. You go girl!

There was also a song writing competition. I was planning on entering a song to be critiqued by Tyler Castleton and I had my melody and some chords, but that was about it. As time passed, I just kind of neglected it. A week before the deadline I got an email reminding me that it was due in a week. I was like "shoot, I better get on that!" then I thought "nah, it's too late." Well, I happened to have two or three days off in a row during that week and so I decided to give it a shot and see what I could accomplish in that time. Basically, I finished writing and recording it in 16 hours. The recording was horrid. Number one, I recorded it using a digital recorder placed at the side of my piano. Which means crappy, crappy quality. But they said it didn't have to be good quality so I wasn't worried about that part. Number two, I had JUST BARELY finished writing it so I didn't even know how to play it well! Let alone sing along. I am not great at singing and playing at the same time. Depends on the song, I guess. Anyway, I gave a little disclaimer at the beginning warning him it would be a little "choppy" and slower than it is meant to be. Needless to say, I didn't win. HOWEVER, I received a CD with Tyler's critique recorded on it. It was so awesome!!! And so encouraging! He really liked it, though he acknowledged it was a little difficult to get the true feel because it was so broken up. He only gave me a few suggestions of how to fix it and otherwise thought it was a great song!! YAY ME!!!!

THEN, I participated in the singing competition. Tyler and Jenny wrote a song that is going to be featured on her upcoming album. Long story short, I went to the recording studio and met up with Tyler and their sound guy, Scott. It was SO INCREDIBLE to be in an actual recording studio. I felt so cool, like a real live singer or something!!! I was in the little sound booth singing into that microphone with the round thing in front of it and wearing the headphones with only one side on (just like the professionals. Actually that's how you're supposed to do it.) I sang it through a couple times and then they burned a CD for me so I can have a copy of me singing. Tyler was so encouraging! He asked me what my goals were and I told him I just wanted to write music in my spare time as a full time mom and put an album together whenever I had a collection of good songs and he said he totally thought I'd be able to do that. This is after we had talked about my voice and my song that I had submitted. He remembered it and again told me what a great song he thought it was. He couldn't believe I wrote it in such a short amount of time, or that it was my first song every with lyrics! He said that if I just fixed the things he suggested I fix that he thought it'd be good enough to pitch-meaning get it recorded! YAY! So I was totally excited and encouraged and inspired. But then I didn't win. I didn't even make top twenty! So then I got disappointed, and angry, and accused Tyler of being a liar-face (just kidding...kind of. only in my head. And maybe to one person) I'm still working through it, but I don't really think they would have been so encouraging if they didn't think I had SOME talent. One of the big emphasis' at the workshop was that it's okay to be told "no" and you just have to keep working at it. So that's what I'm going to try to do. I tried to post the song to this blog so you could hear it, but I haven't found a way to do so. So just imagine the most awesome thing you've ever heard and that's what it sounds like :)

So this has been a really long post so I'll post the other TOTALLY EPIC events in another post! PEACE!!!!