Saturday, May 16, 2009

Random Thoughts....

So I have a lot of thoughts. All the time. Constantly going. We all do, right? Well, I've thought about blogging them, but I haven't because...I'm lazy. And I'm being lazy right now and avoiding doing other things I think I should be doing (like laundry....crap, I'm almost out of scrubs!) and so I will blog because that seems a lot more fun than the other stuff and I don't want to go to bed because that would be a waste of time ;)

Pardon the randomness. I'm sure there is a common thread in here somewhere....

#1 The Internet has a lot of really great information on it. Sometimes too much and it's overwhelming and is like finding a needle in a haystack. A lot of information is nice and stuff, but you know what I really want to find?....MY FUTURE! Yes, that may sound ridiculous, but a lot of times I feel like I'm just waiting around for what I really want my life to be like. I wish the internet could show me what I really want to know like: who I'll marry, what my kids will look like, what I'll look like, etc. But alas, the internet has no such information. So then facebook sucks me in and I waste another bunch of time...but even that can't hold my attention for too long. You know....the internet is kind of boring.

#2 Dr McCann brought donuts in for us today. That was so nice of him. I have really been wanting a donut lately. I work in such a wonderful place with the most wonderful people. SUCH a blessing!

#3 I waste a lot of time (stupid facebook). Well, yes and no. There are a lot of things I feel I should be doing, but sometimes I just can't get myself to do it. Like piano and singing! I should be practicing my guts out but I don't because: a. sometimes it's pretty darn boring b. sometimes I'm not very good and it frustrates me c.'s boring. Well, I guess that's mostly the reason! If I was better at the piano I would probably have more fun at it. The reason it's frustrating is because sometimes I can hear songs that I want to write (why I am learning the piano in the first place) but I can't get them out/form them into notes to be heard by others. VERY frustrating. But it will come along. Most the songs I've written haven't come because I sat down and thought "I am going to write a song right now." And yes, to those of you who didn't know, I write music. But only one is really great and no you can't hear it. Not yet. I need to practice....

#3+ And I should be going to the gym!!! I shouldn't waste time by not exercising! I don't want to be pudgy anymore! I've come a long way (yeah! I think I have) and I don't want to stop now!

#4 Maybe I do want to be pudgy. Today I read the blog of a girl I knew growing up. She is 2 years younger than me, has two children, and looks like she should be graduating high school at the end of this month. Her body is tiny. The fact that she is younger than me and is married with children and living in a beautiful home is enough of a blow to the self-esteem department, but she looks so good too! That's a lot of additional and very unnecessary pressure on me, because we don't have even CLOSE to the same body structure and for me to even THINK of being as thin and she is just ridiculous. That is Satan talking and I don't want to listen because I hate that guy. I want to be healthy. But I don't need the additional weight of feeling like I need to look like a swimsuit model is order to feel like I'm healthy and attractive. I have enough to worry about. Besides, I like my men a little soft around the middle, if you will, and so I think it should be okay that I'm a little soft around the middle too.

And speaking of weight issues, I seriously have these thoughts:

#5 I am looking good! I really have lost weight! Yay me! I am strong! (And as my trainer calls me..) I am a MACHINE!!!!

an hour or two later...

#6 I am chubby! Maybe I haven't lost that much weight! Man I have a long way to go! This is hard!

(Isn't that ridiculous?! Being a wishy-washy woman sucks sometimes)

#7 Life is wonderful. No seriously. With all the ups and downs we can feel in the space of 18 waking hours life really is good. And I am so grateful that I feel this way, cause I haven't for a long time. I am so grateful to live in the most beautiful valley EVER, I am so grateful for the sky and how Heavenly Father changes it and grants me such peace and happiness just by looking at it, and I am so grateful for the people in my life that make me feel good and help me be a better person! I am grateful for the talents I have (even though we already know I do not practice that much!) and that I think I know what I am supposed to do with them. I am grateful for second chances and the chance to change and for hope and faith and the FUTURE! I am excited to see what's going to happen in my life! (I still wish the internet would show me though)

Well, there are just a few of my random thoughts. There are more where they came from so stay tuned! Until then this is Carrie Adams, signing off, on another extraordinary day